Idiomasyncracies: La Portería y La Porquería

Yesterday at halftime Germany was ahead of Argentina 1-0 in the Copa Mundial Quarter Finals. Both teams played well and the first half just flew by. 

The goalie is called EL PORTERO. From the Velázquez Spanish-English dictionary it means gatekeeper, porter, doorman.

I'm not sure if LA PORTERÍA refers only to the net itself, or the rectangular area in front of the goal that the portero protects.  The dictionary didn't help me with this one, it defined a portería as the principal door of a convent or other large building.

What I do know is that the announcers mention LA PORTERÍA time and time again during the fast paced matches.  I can't understand these Spanish speaking announcers. First, there are many accents, the Latin American accents and the Spanish FROM SPAIN accent. Second, the announcers are full of excitement and adrenaline, the game is fast, and they talk so fast that all I can do is occasionally pick up a few words.

My ears perked up during the Germany game when they constantly spoke of PODOLSKI,   their Polish superstar.  My ears also perked up every time I heard the announcers talking about LA PORTERÍA.

I'd look up at the TV and ask Moka(who watched the game with me until I started yelling)....."Who's a PORQUERÍA?  What was a PORQUERÍA?"  This is a term very commonly heard here in the Yucatán and in fast-speak it sounds just like PORTERÍA.

The dictionary has many definitions of PORQUERÍA, which should be a sign that it is a commonly used colloquialism that serves many purposes:
1.  Nastiness, uncleanliness, filth
2.  Hoggishness, brutishness, rudeness
3.  Trifle, thing of little value
4.  A dirty, ungenteel action
5.  Nuisance, dirty trick

(Since it is in the dictionary, I'll clarify that hogsty in Spanish is PORQUERIZA.)

You can't imagine how many conversations involved PORQUERÍAS.  Shopkeepers mutter "pura porquería" as rude non-spending tourists depart their shops.  I've heard the owner of my corner store refer to both gringos(mostly) and locals in our neighborhood as PORQUERÍA.  But he is an angry old man.


Last week's rain and gloomy ten days: a PORQUERÍA.  And the new batch of cluster storms sitting off Honduras and Belize, just like two weeks ago, increasing their chances of tropical formation as the hours pass, that is a PORQUERÍA.

I think it is fair to say if you are from Argentina or Paraguay, you feel yesterday's games were PORQUERÍAS.  Bottom line is, you have to have a strong PORTERÍA to win in fútbol!

Futbol Soccer Update

I started this blog series with a lot of enthusiasm, and of course some of that has waned due to Mexico's loss to Uruguay Tuesday.  Mexico is not OUT of the Mundial yet, they have won a place in the KNOCKOUT ROUND, but spirits are not as high as they were last week. 

Mexico played a good game against Uruguay.  They were in control of the ball most of the game. Uruguay spent its energy defending the opponents' goal.  They let Mexico run around the field doing fancy footwork while they stayed in place waiting for any type of goal attempt.  And they stopped it.  It's too bad Mexico couldn't take the win, as a country they need an uplifting experience for their spirits.  With all the bad press about the heads rolling all over Mexico, and the trendy new anti-Mexicanism sprouting up all over the USA, we need something positive to happen down here.

After the 1-0 loss, Mexico took 2nd place to Uruguay in their group(A).  This means both teams go into the next round. Tomorrow Uruguay plays against South Korea(B), and Sunday Mexico takes on Argentina.  I want to be optimistic about Mexico's game, but Argentina has been one of the strongest, if not THE strongest team in the Mundial to date.  While the rest of the teams are haggling for spots in the 'playoffs' with 5 points accumulated....Argentina zipped on through with 9 points.  If you aren't following this sport, 9 points is a shitload.

The USA beat Argelia.  England played Slovakia Slovenia and lost.  USA and England each had 5 pts, but based on the rule structure mentioned two blogs ago, USA gets to keep playing and England gets to go home. 

Theresa in Mérida posted a reference to Jon Stewart on her June 16th blog, and I found his take on the World Cup hilarious.  He and one of his reporters, John Oliver, a Brit, did a skit AS IF the USA had beaten England in their match, when in fact they tied. Here is the clip:

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-june-14-2010/exclusive---alternate-world-cup-outcome---us-beats-england

What I thought was so funny about that was "the country that doesn't give two shits about soccer beat the country that invented it".....remember, tho, USA tied England, but we move on to the finals and they don't.

When I was looking for the video I saw in Theresa's blog, I found new coverage where John Oliver welcomes the USA to the Third World.  Gaining skill and interest in soccer is only one of the signs that we have joined the third world.  If the USA wins the Cup, Stewart says the rest of the world will officially have to call the sport SOCCER..........and no longer FUTBOL.  If I copied correctly, the following link will take you there. It's worth the click.
thttp://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-june-23-2010/mcchrystal-s-balls---honorable-discharge

At some point during Mex-Uru game, I noticed that the SuperBowl quality commercials were being aired. They weren't the usual cable company vs. the telephone company commercials....they were all about the Cup.  I caught the end of one commercial, didn't notice what it was about, but the catch phrase was: "The CRACK of chocolate!"  I can't wait to watch the next games, and I plan to tune in more closely on the commercials. I may have been missing the best part. 
      

Soccer 101: Mexico 2 - France 0

The first round of games was okay, I worked on the computer with the TV buzzing behind me.  But the second matches in the series are taking place now, and things are definitely heating up.  Yesterday I sat down and actually watched Mexico play France.. the first time I watched an entire soccer game. 

Being an American Football fan, and liking sports in general, I learned a lot watching futbol soccer.  The first thing I noticed was that there are no time outs, no long commercial breaks, just game play.  The first half is 45 minutes and the game clock never stops.  There are fouls(that may not be what they call them) and incidents that stop the game momentarily, like real injuries or fake injuries, but a fan really has to be prepared, as there is no commercial time for beer or piss breaks. I expected to be bombarded with ads during half time, but no, it was a short break. 

The game began at 1:30 pm, but they had us fooled into thinking it begain at 11:30am.  That's where the blahblahblahing of the announcers is mixed with most of the commercials.  What's funny is that we knew what time the games air - the third match always begins at 1:30pm, but everyone at my house was so excited about the game that they glued themselves to their TVs at 11:30am. I guess it pumps up the fans in Mexico to see their countrymen's adrenaline, costumes, songs and shouts fill the stadium in South Africa.  I used the tease time to do a little gardening.

The game began promptly at 1:30pm.  By 2:30pm it was half time.  The teams had been running back and forth on the field nonstop for an hour; I was tired just watching them run.  The Mexicans had the momentum.  The French played dirty.  Whenever the Mexican team controlled the ball moving down the field, a Frog French player would come over and deliberately trip him.  If you can't play well, play dirty I guess.  That's what we do in American Football!  Seriously, though, the stadium was roaring with Mexican fans and the French just sat there as if they were watching opera. They were dressed in revolutionary costumes and sat emotionless throughout the game, perhaps following the lead of the coach, whose facial expression never changed. He looked bored to be there.

An American Football game is 60 minutes of play, and takes 3 hours to air on TV.  A soccer game is 90 minutes of play and is finished in two hours.  Do you think American TV is more COMMERCIAL?  

For me soccer is like a combination of Am.football, basketball, and hockey without all the gear.  The sponsors may not get lots of commercial time, but they have their logos plastered all over the players and the stadium, so I think they successfully push their products.  And evidently they DID hand out BUZZHORNS at the gate.  I didn't see any Mexicans blowing horns, they were jumping and yelling and screaming.  It was great.  Mexico won the game 2-0.  That leaves them tied for first place in their group with Uruguay, the team they will play on Tuesday.

After the game, Pablo said, "Let's go!"  He grabbed his tambor, wearing his green World Cup shirt, and off to the Monument of the Flags we went.  He had told me that whenever Mexico wins a sporting event everyone meets there to celebrate but I'd never seen it.  When we got there the police already had the area closed off to traffic, the Sol band complete with skimpily clad girls playing Cielito Lindo, the riot squad in place, and the fans going nuts.  We flew a giant Mexican flag from the car window and heard lots of  "A HUEVO", a phrase that means something like, "Of course we won, and we will win again." Ok, I think it really translates into "fuckin-A, we won!"  (Just keeping it real.)

Below are some photos of the mayhem that took place at the monument after the game. People were still arriving as we left, and for all I know the party went on for hours.  I can warn you that Mexico plays again Tuesday, June 22, at 9am.  If they win that game, they will qualify for the Knockout Round, and the people here will be very happy. If you aren't interested in soccer, at least check the final score before driving around Paseo de Montejo next Tuesday afternoon, or you'll be forced to park and join the party. 

Below are photos from the impromptu party in the street. 

The World Cup Buzz

The World Cup Trophy.

 

The winning team will retain this 13.6 lb sold gold trophy on its malachite base until the winners of the next cup take over in 2014.

As expected, Friday's FIFA Copa Mundial opening match created quite a stir at the house.  Four TVs buzzing loudly, beers moved in and out of the freezer and the guests were glued to the game.  I felt like I was in a beehive or having a terrible attack of tinnitus, the BUZZ from the stadium was so overwhelming.  They must hand out BUZZhorns at the gate, because the spectators embrace them with gusto.

After a fast-moving but low-scoring game, México tied the South African team 1-1.  That left me wondering:  How does this work?  What's next? Since we will be inundated with three games a day on 6 cable channels, plus hours of announcers' analyzations, bullshit and banter every day for the next month, I decided to find out.

In the USA, interest in futbol soccer is constantly growing.  Kids learn to play, and professional teams have gained popuarity.  The USA made a respectable showing and tied their first game against England Saturday.  Though it's not US America's most popular sport, it is the favorite of the rest of the world.  World Cup TV viewing far exceeds the Olympic Games, which is no surprise to me after a disappointing smattering of the event aired here.

In 2006, according to Wikipedia, an estimated 715 million people watched the final match in Germany.  All in all, the cumulative estimate of the viewing audience of all of the 2006 Copa Mundial matches exceeded 26 billion people.  If the inaugural game was an international holiday, the final match must be sheer insanity.

Here's how this World Cup Tournament works. The global governing body is FIFA - La Fédération Internationale de Football Association.  The name sounds like Frenglish to me.  The games are played every four years.  Between the World Cups are three years of tournaments to determine which teams will qualify to play in the next Cup in the elected host nation.  To me it's complicated - but I imagine to a South African our American Football conferences, divisions, playoffs, wildcards, etc., would also be foreign.

The Copa Mundial finals consist of two stages - THE GROUP STAGE, where we are now, and THE KNOCKOUT STAGE, when the eliminations begin June 26th. 

THE GROUP STAGE

There are 32 teams participating, broken down into 8 groups of 4 teams each.  The groups are carefully set up geographically to assure that no more than two European teams are allowed per group.  Once the groups are set, they play a Round Robin.  Each team plays three matches in its group.

Points during the Round Robin are accumulated as follows:

          Each win = 3 pts

          Each draw = 1 pt

          Each loss = 0 pts

In case of a tie, the tiebreakers are (get this!)

          1.  Goal difference

          2.  Total goals scored

          3.  Head to head results

          4.  Drawing of lots

After all the calculations, the top two teams from each group advance to:

THE KNOCKOUT STAGE

"Single elimination tournaments with extra time and penalty shootouts..."(Wikipedia again)  In American Engish, the Knockout Stage begins with a "Round of 16" games in which the winner of each group plays the runner up of another group, probably set up in geographical symmetry.  There are quarter finals, semi-finals, The 3rd Place Match, and the Grand Finale.

Deciding who will host the next Cup has often been a source of controversy.  The makeup of world soccer participants is constantly evolving and increasing, and complicated changes to the system ensue.  At the beginning of the Cup in the 1930's, only European countries and the Americas participated.  In 2002, the first Asian Cup was held in Korea and Japan.  And this is the first year an African country is hosting the event.  The Copa Mundial for 2014 will be held in Brazil. 

I found helpful links if you are at all interested in the progress of the games.  Mexico plays France on Thursday morning, the USA plays Slovenia on Friday, and tomorrow Spain makes its debut.  This yahoo link is an easy to read calendar of the games.  The official FIFA site is a great resource, starting with the breakdown of the groups.

You may notice I didn't bother to learn the actual rules of the game.  I didn't take American Football classes either, but I figured it out eventually as I watched more frequently.  The websites above name the players and positions and I get the general idea.  Get the ball past the goalie into the net without using your arms.  Act like a little boy if someone touches you so the attacker gets a flag....something like that.  

This information makes the games more interesting for me to watch.  If I get the big picture of what the anticipated outcome is and how it is reached, it is more enjoyable.  Even if you have no interest in soccer, and plan to watch zero games, I hope this was of interest.  If you like sports but are not exposed to soccer, this world event is a great opportunity to expand your horizons.  Check out one of the games, get that adrenaline going.  Root for your home team.  I'm still waiting for the  first Mexican GOOAAAAALLLLLL

Friday's International Holiday

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the COPA MUNDIAL, The World Cup Soccer Championship in South Africa....and I think it's an unwritten international holiday.  The opening ceremonies begin at 7:00am Mérida time (CST), and Mexico plays in the first game against South Africa team Bahana Bahana at 9:00am.

The South Africans and Mexico have a rivalry from Mundiales past, and from the news I read on the home site of the CUP, Bahana Bahana doesn't look as strong as Mexico. The word on the blogs is, Mexico is coming in with a powerful young team this year.  In my house there are four Mexican guys, three of which I doubt will be "feeling well enough" to work tomorrow.  Pablo was advised in advance that he'd better show up on Friday. I picture the scene around here with two or three TVs blasting the games and lots of screaming, and consuming of cerveza for the next month. It is sure an emotional game for its fans. 

I have never watched a World Cup Soccer meet, I don't know the rules of futbol soccer, I don't know the star players, or the rivalries; I am totally soccer illerate - until tomorrow.  When we have watched an occasional soccer game on TV, I've usually pick up a book to read instead.  Up until now I have been soccer stupid.  I plan to learn about the game during this coming month of soccer innundation on TV.  After all, I have introduced Pablo to American Football, and he has endured three seasons of up to 5 games a week of games televised  locally with me, so it's only fair that I learn the rules of Mexico's favorite game.

Opening ceremonies are always fantastic, and I plan to watch them early tomorrow morning.  I was very disappointed to miss so much of the Winter Olympics.  They showed the opening ceremonies on an obscure channel at a strange time of night.  Maybe since Mexico doesn't participate (much or at all?) in the winter sports they are not too keen to televise many of the games.  I am hoping to make up for lost opening ceremonies with tomorrow's celebration. 

Let the games begin!  Oh, that is the opening of the Olympics, I guess I don't know what they scream to start the soccer matches.  I can't wait to hear the sound of the announcement of Mexico's first "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLnonononononononoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Kids Helping Kids: PROJECT MÉRIDA

Meet my bro's family: Linda, JASON, LAUREN, and Larry Wodarski.

My family values sports as an important part of a child’s education. My brother Larry lives in Incline Village, Nevada. His 14 year old twins recently read that the kids in the 9th Ward of New Orleans still have no little league, almost four years after Katrina hit. They decided they would like to gift their outgrown, unused, and slightly used baseball equipment to them. They wrote to the Mayor of New Orleans, who expressed his delight and the city’s interest in receiving their donations.

However, when they cleaned out their garage they discovered that in their house alone, they found this much gear:

In our garage we have about 15 soccer jerseys, 5 baseball t-shirts, 14 youth baseball caps, basketballs, soccer balls, baseballs, athletic shoes, a few soccer shorts and socks and we haven't officially started our campaign.

As we discussed their idea, the kids became aware of the shortage (and high cost) of sports equipment in the Yucatán.  When they heard about kids playing soccer in their bare feet using a ball made of duct tape, Lauren and Jason decided they could probably help children in both New Orleans and the Yucatán.

And so they started their project called PROJECT MÉRIDA and engaged their entire village. They have set up collection stations all over town. Their pastor donated storage space for the gear and agreed to accept and hold monetary donations to assist in the shipping of the goods. Here in Mérida I am working with a customs agent to see if we can eliminate duties and lessen border crossing hassles.

Mérida and its surrounding villages have countless children who would appreciate a few baseballs, bats, mitts, soccer balls, and even uniforms. We wrote a letter to the Director of the Department of Deportes, the Department of Education, Cesar Bojorquez, and Governor Ivonne Ortega. Our request was accepted and stamped. Permission granted, but we are now on our own.

Engaging in sports is food for the soul. It’s necessary in a country where child obesity is rampant and rising fast. It teaches camaraderie, sportsmanship, competitiveness and gives kids something healthy to occupy their time other than playing video games.  All kids should have an opportunity to play ball with their old friends while making new ones.

Play Ball! Lions and Tigers!

The baseball stadium at the Parque de Kukulcán, home of LOS LEONES DE YUCATÁN.



Wednesday, March 25th was opening day for baseball....or beisbol....season here in México. Our team, the Leones de Yucatán played against the Tigres de Quintana Roo. It was an entertaining game. The Tigre opened the first inning with a run and the Leones followed with five runs! Off to a good start.

The last time I went to an inaugural baseball game was the LA Dodgers in 1979 (I think) where Fernando Valenzuela was the star, and thirty years later I watched his son, Fernando Valenzuela, open the season for the Leones in Mérida. Fernando hit a grand slam in the first inning, but slowed down considerably as the innings wore on. Hey, first time out for the season so I see it as a warm up game. We hope to have a strong season. We have some great players who last won the national championship in 2005. Wednesday The Tigres beat the Leones 10-8, but we put up a good fight.


The stadium reminded me of the days my brother Jay took me to see the Mudhens play in Toledo, Ohio. I don't remember the exact size, but it looked like a similar layout. Above the teams are being introduced. The Leones, whose colors are green, orange and white, on the left, and the Tigres on the right. We didn't catch any foul balls but we had great seats near the first base line.



A few differences I noted: They do not stop selling beer after the 7th inning. What if there are extra innings? A fan needs his beer. I noticed they were selling beer even after the game ended.

They have cheerleaders! For me that was a first at a baseball game. They didn't lead any cheers but they kept the male fans entertained during inning changes with their sexy salsa dances.

Although they have bat boys, they have ball girls. Good looking girls in short shorts and tight tops bounce out to the umpire with new balls every other pitch.

They eat different foods at Mexican ball games. Below is the kibi/piedra salesman. In his glass box he has the Lebanese treats ready to dress up with their repollo. Below him is the pepita, pistacchio and cacahuate (peanut) vendor. The vendors walk around with hot pizza in individual boxes, platters of fresh made tortas (sandwiches) on bolillos, tamales, corn on or off the cob with seasonings, candied apples of some sort, probably tamarind, air puffed chicharrones, cotton candy, frappuchinos, strawberries and cream, something that looked like Chinese stirfry but was actually Mexican nachos, home made potato chips and fried banana chips, candies, gum, cigarettes, etc. Also they walk around the stadium tossing out promotional items. This week I got a new pen and a handful of new cookies made by a local cookie producer. There was a lot going on, the atmosphere was light and happy, the spectators were good sports, and we had a lot of fun.

Super Tazón

Yesterday was Superbowl Sunday. Here it is called the Super Tazón. The show aired on ESPN, The Latin American version. The announcers said their viewers watch “desde Tijuana hasta Tierra del Fuego” or “from Tijuana, México to the Southernmost tip of South America.” I am posting this video clip; it is not very well made mind you, but if you turn up the volume you can hear how annoying the Spanish speaking announcers are. I actually shot a better video, of the touchdown the Steelers stole from the Cardinals, and I had trouble uploading it here, hope it plays. The announcers and their "¡Tuuuchdaawwwwwnnnnn!!!!!!" is over the top.

I stopped going to Superbowl parties a long time ago. We won $800 at Dee’s party in 1993. The parties even now are fantastic, and I hate to miss a great party at Maxine’s with multiple TV’s, tons of food and lots of interesting people. When I was in Kona, I played her pools and checked in with her on the phone from time to time during the game from our house, where we watched with just a few select friends. To me the house rules were simple, but some were unable to follow them! You could talk during the game, but you had to shut up for the commercials. The commercials were the best part of some games. Imagine my disappointment watching the game on Mexican ESPN where the sponsors were Ford, GM, Hummer, Mitsubishi, Samsung, Toshiba, Telcel, Telmex Nextel, and Mexicana Airlines, all local commercials. They offered some new and pretty good ads, but it was not the same as the zillion dollar space they sell on US TV for Superbowl Sunday.

Although American Football is barely gaining interest in Latin America, they are aware that the US wants more Latin players, and they are very sports oriented people. I think they played one preseason game in Mexico City, a year or two back, and are working on programming another one for the upcoming season.

On Sundays three channels air different games at Noon, we get one on Fox Sports at 3pm, and the Sunday Night Game on ESPN. Of course we see Monday Night Football but only see Madden and Al or whatever his name is in the background, we hear our high pitched announcer and everything’s in Spanish. Not all football terms translate that well.

Here are a few examples. Let’s look at team names. The SF 49ers are called “los Cuarenta y Nueves”, literally “the forty-nines”. So, you lose the whole gold miners’ reference, and the translation actually makes no sense at all. The Redskins are called “Los Piel Rojos”, simply stating they have red skin. The Browns are the “Cafés”. That could mean coffee shop, cafeteria, a cup of coffee, but it is not really used to describe the color brown. They should be called the Marrones. That doesn’t work. The Packers are the “Empacadores” (referring more to factory workers packing shit up)…..and the Steelers are the “Acereros” which at least means steel workers. The translations that work well are the Gigantes de Nueva York, Los Vaqueros de Dallas, Los Tejanos de Houston, Titanes de Tenesí, los Delfines de Miami, etc.

The end zone is the “Zona de Notación”. Penalties are “Castigos” – literally punishments. The yellow or red flag…..this one kills me…"panuelo" ..HANDKERCHIEF. Handkerchief? In a football game? Paleeeeese. The Quarterback is the “Mariscal del Campo”, which means “Field Marshall”.

This says it all. “Leading by 4 in the 4th quarter, ball on the 4 yard line, fourth down.” “Ganando por cuatro en el cuarto cuarto, el balon en la yarda cuarto, cuarto oportunidad.” And if all goes well, “¡A Notación!” (touchdown)

Football season was especially fun because my family and a few friends play a season long football pool on Yahoo’s Pro Pick’em. Nephew Brian inched out brother Larry, I came in third. We started with 8 players but two were unable to finish. It gives us our own stats to watch each weekend. It is a tradition I am glad maintains interest.

I do love football season but I feel compelled to see all the games, which distracted us from our trips to ruins, cenotes and beaches on our Sundays off. The weather got cool so it was easy to put on sweats and grab an afghan and hang in the hammock for hours. Hope Superbowl turned out well for you, I was in my Steelers T-shirt and colors, and was pleased with the game and the outcome. Thanks again to all the players in the Guerreros team. I felt like we were all sharing time and space with similar interests and it was fun.